Echy Empties is friendly..LMFAO

i cant sleep. Its already 4 in the morning. And I guess those stupid coffee keep me awake. And hell yeah, thats the cause.
My mind is full of watching grey's anatomy over and over and over so maybe i can find something in those series to pushed me to become a great surgeon someday.
The other thing is, read books. There is so many book i havent read in my book case. I bought those for about last year. Im in the middle of reading lovely bones rite now. Beside that i think about my med text book. I want to read it, study it and understand it more, cuz ive been wasting my time didnt pay attention much when i was in the class. Thats why i dont really mastering all of the subject. Im curious why i graduated. Well,Maybe read again the text book of anatomy and pshysic can help me to build my confident. Other books is mind mapping, i want to sharpen my brain cuz i have problem to remember things lately.
The other thing is going online. Check my socialite site, and im sure by now there is already so many stuff right there i have to reply. I have 5 socialite site for god sake.
And the last thing on my mind is being skinny. I want to be 43 kg. Thats why i didnt want to eat lately. Im surely got this eating disorder.

dear diary...

yesterday as usual, i just laid down on my bed, tought bout anything i couldnt figure out what... listening to JUNO’s soundtrack, tried to read the Lovely Bones chapter by chapter but im not in a right mood. Actually the PMS is killing me, i didnt eat anything so there is bunch of pain things going on my stomach. i wanna go online but why it feels so empty lately, something is missing and im not sure what it is.

 

At nite, I went out with my girl’s and we eat some salad and drink coffee, but I ordered green tea milk this time.. I love green tea.. we just chat and hangout. Nothing much.

 

And today is really hot, im sweating like hell. I woke up cuz my boyfriend called me, and keep telling me to wake up tho Im still sleepy, what his problem? He just enjoy to see me mad, he told me im cute when im angry..STUPID!.… but guess what im soooo freaking crazy cuz im sneezing all day… I hate my nose. most of my life I got this allergic things.. not just the dust but weather… and cold water of course… I cant stand it…med didn’t make this better.

 

I watched Bad Girls Club on channel V, and its really a fun reality show. Watching someone being beat up, attack their room mate, and those stupid cat fight… Im sure enjoy it.

 

Some time my boyfriend is a jerk but I love him tho. And I understand he is with his family rite now, spending his holiday and he didn’t need me much at the moment…. *sad

I really miss him to miss me again…

 

That’s it for today, nothing much to tell. I got so many good friends on Buzznet, Vampire Freaks, Myspace and Facebook. Now I fallin love with those site.. Friendster is sooooo last year.LOL..

What is ur fav socialite site?

 

 

 

dear diary...
i havent write you for so long im so sorry..
i was really tired lately and i was too lazy to write anything with my confusing mind..online is the last thing on my mind..
i didnt eat much lately, i just lying on my bed, staring at the wall, and slept all day..
well, actually i really miss someone..but, its ok tho..this is the right thing to do..(you do understand what im saying rite?)
i try to change everything and think bout this sad stuff, but i realize i actually want him always around, i want him so much and it kills me..
as long i live, i will always think bout him eventho i dont know where he is now...(if you read this..i just want you to know that i miss you.but im ok!)
This is how it feels, When you wait for a call that never comes and waking up 'cause you miss someone?
have you ever feel it?

i dont know what to write lately..
im so tired...
but, i try to make one..
i got my first bachelor degree last thursday...
i was really bored, i got myself aslept in the middle of the dean speech..STUPID.. at friday, i went to my bestfriend village and we spend a nite there, we took some stupid pic, and i cant wait to go back there,..
today...not so good..i found my self jealous with this stupid girl who commented my boyfriend page on friendster, and not just that, one of my precious friend was mad at me, and until now i still cant figure out why he so mad at me... i tot he already over with me, but, i dont know, i think i just hurt him again.
thats all,..
now i just sit infront of my laptop and rep comments, pathetic..but i rather do this than cry myself asleep like i used to do...
im getting stronger everyday...im still sad tho...
what can make u feel really sad?

been bussy this whole day's..
im tryin to finish my college paper work, but im so exhausted..
i just want to go sleep and doing anything beside studying...
i just watched so many movie lately...the dark knight, sex and the city, nim's island, bucket list...emmmm and edward scissorshand's and its the greatest movie i ever saw...LOL..jonny deep is really hot...
and i just bought books..its twilight and lovely bones...i LOVE BOOK's...
just tell me what is ur fav movie and book..!

Did you know my friend, this morning I didn’t sleep since the day before. At 7 0’clock I have to go to the college and look out for the new student at my faculty. They are so many of them. They are new medical student, general doctor’s, dentist’s and nurse’s.

Its all done at 1 pm. After that, me and my friends went to the mall, we ate fried rice and went home. I slept at the restaurant while waiting for the order to came, cuz I was very tired. After I got home, I slept until 8 pm. I woke up, and tought bout my paperwork. Next week is the exam. But I didn’t do anything until now. I didn’t even start to write the power point. Gosh, im not in a mood. Im really tired and still lazy to study. But, next week is my last exam for this year, and after that ill be free until January. I don’t know who can make my day, even my boyfriend feel so boring rite now, I still love him tho.

I have to start tonight. But, I think I know why im so stressed out today.cuz I start to gain weight again…LOL… yeah, I get fat when im stress.

I talked bout this with my boyfriend, and I feel a lot better.

Now, I think bout the vacation plan on oktober and who is the friend I want to meet there.

First stop, bali.. I’ll go here with my college friend, I think I just want to have fun with them, and maybe meet up with my sk8 dude such as yogi, mikha, kubon, etc. After bali, ill go to Jogja. I want to meet up with my twins, agra and nanu. After that, I’ll go to Jakarta, I want to meet up with nando, Erika my myspace friend, tammi, lizna, tria and maybe vic. That’s the most important friend. if I have  more time, I want to meet with the boys, danan if he still on vacation, komeng, abe, rully, mine, miel, dedi, or other sk8 friend there. The last stop is bandung. This is the most important place I have to go, cuz I want to see my beloved boyfriend jeff there. Beside him, I want to meet with travis, k’sarah and k’darell and jeff’s friend, and well maybe my friendster friend, nyuw, kaisha, delly, etc…

So much people, and so much plan, but so little time.

the most important things to do is to finished my power point.

Well, I guess that’s it for today.

See ya next post…

Byeeeeeee….

As usual, I woke up 1 pm..actually today I have meeting with my college friend, its about the new student at my faculty, but im too lazy to open my eyes and got there..LOL…

After I woke up, I took a shower, and talk to my boyfriend at camfrog. After that im browsing the internet again. Hhhmm..

At 8pm, my girl friend took me and we hang out at OhhLaLa, a cup of latte and tiramisu. i think, this is the best tiramisu in town, really yummy!!! We just talked and talked and talked about anything there.. i met with my highschool best friend. i really miss her, and im happy to see her.  she is with one of my college friend, im curious if there is something between them..LOL.. im not sure.. well after we have a lil chit chat i went home, my friend drove me home and, I got home about 10.30pm.i still had time to watched gossip girl and eat some noodles, and I think now before I go to sleep I want to chat with my boyfriend again at camfrog..

Btw, tomorrow I have to wake up early cuz the freshman need they senior..LOL..

Take care for now.. im happy, there is no drama today… im so over with that…

Well, tell me if there is great things happen at you today…

See ya!!!

xoxo

Today I woke up late again…

Actually I still wanna sleep, but here in my town the weather getting soooo hot at 1 pm.. I sweating and really want to shower, soooo I didn’t continue my sleep…lol..

After that, my boyfriend called me and ask me if I want to online at camfrog again… yeah, Id love tooo..i really want to see my boyfriend face everyday..thanx to camfrog for give me the chance..LOL..

After that, most of my time wasted on editing all my socialite site…

Well, this is my opinion bout every socialite site..

First thing, friendster: all my friend here, even my boyfriend… so, I have to checked it everytime… lot of Indonesia and philipine here, and fakers too… I cant delete my account here, cuz, I got lot of friend here… and haters here…LOL…

Second is, myspace: I love being in this site, cuz sooo much holywood celebrity have account here, and of course my fav band too…and they not fake account, its they official myspace site…

Third is, buzznet: I made this account cuz I loveee hanna beth. But after couple of week in this account, I found there is sooo much fun here.. and most of member here are female, so its kool to have so many new girlfriend at buzznet… I just have 3 indonesian friend there, and I love it that way…

The fourth is, myspace: scary site for people who didn’t usual with dark and gothic people.. people here not too nice like in other site.. I don’t know, maybe myfriend at this site not much, that’s why I feel this way.. hhmmm.. I got 4 good friend there tho, and its really fun…

The last is, facebook…this is the most complicated socialite site I ever sign up.. I hate with all of those stu  

GOOD MORNING CYBER WORLD…

Its already 7 in the morning, but I didn’t sleep…

Yesterday I went to my friend at café, she order some chocolate and me French fries and glass of green tea…we just talk bout anything unimportant, cuz we both didn’t know what to do at Saturday nite..PATHETIC…

Its kool tho, cuz she is my bestfriend here… and at the mall I saw this cute hello kitty dolls  but, I didn’t have enough money to buy that..hiks..

After 11pm I went home and check my email…my lil cousin(5 years old) just got her teeth removed by the dentist and now she look really funny when shes smile, I cant stop laughing when she open her mounth…

After that, I talked to my boyfriend and he asked me to online at camfrog…gosh that’s really a nice place to chat with cam… I recommended u to that app…

We talked until 4pm, im really happy, cuz the last time I saw him before tonight is at January…I miss him so much… his hair grown so fast and his got this straight and smooth hair, kinda jealous but he is my boyfriend tho…LOL…

After laugh out loud with him for about 3 hours, he decided to sleep, and we ended the conversation…

Now, its my time to reply hundred comments and notes at friendster, myspace, buzznet and vampirefreaks…its really exhausted but im enjoying making friends everywhere…

Its 7 am, and I really have to go to sleep now…

Thanx for wasting ur time by read this journal…

C ya tomorrow then…

Take careeee!!!

xoxo

Hi there again, today im really glad cuz of 2 things..

The first is, my lecture already accept my paperwork and now I just sit down, relax, and waiting for the exam next week.not relax actually, I have to study and make the power point for the presentation either… and the second is… my friend, (remember bout the friend I told you yesterday), she told me that she is really sorry for all the things that she’s done to me… its really mean a lot to me, and im so thankful, cuz I actually still want to be her friend, and I pray to God if I just have second chance, ill prove her that Im a good friend. Thank you Lord for give her back to me….LOL..

Hhmmmm, now…what happen today is, i woke up early, called my lecture and ask him weather I can have my paperwork correction now or later, he told me to go to the hospital at 12. so, I take shower and spent my time editing my myspace, buzznet, and vampirefreaks profile. At 11.45 I drove myself to the hospital, and meet up with him. He said that this was the last correction and I don’t have to back to him anymore, and just wait for the exam. After that, I went to the faculty cuz I got this meeting with my friends.i went home about 4 o’clock and check my email.. afer that I read my friend comment for me which she said that she is sorry, after that I went to sleep until 21.00 o’clock… I eat cake and browsing the internet agaaaiin….

Well, take care  for now..i gotta fix my myspace profile…LOL

Just like the other day…

I didn’t do much today… wake up late..

Im just listenin to some music.. watch stupid video at youtube, download ebook bout murder and Madonna sex book..LOL… I read “the lovely bones” and “the secret” today… im just curious bout all that books.. I downloaded katy perry songs and some powerpop band…

actually, its really embarrassing to admit it..emm.. I just found out that jeffree star is a man, shemale… ooowwhh gosh, (after all this time???), its ok tho, cuz im still her fans…

mmmm, Today I talked with my parents, they have plan to go to Jerusalem and Egypt next month, and I told them to leave me a lot amount of money cuz their like so far away from me…

well, I think it will be fun, leave home alone, I can call my friends to sleepover, and yeah I can go home anytime I want… LOL… im so exited…

anyway, I hang out with my girlfriends on Monday, and lately, we spent our time at coffee house, I becoming addicted to coffee now…

Well well well…I came back with my another story… this past few days was exhausted. Where should I start, from my beloved friend who always came and go and hurt me again, or friend whom I trust for almost 4 years and I just found out that she ist really my friend, she hate me and she told people that I rob her friend and rape her lil brother.. for god sake, why should I do that stupid things like that, am I retarded or psycho for doing that? Im just confuse cuz I try to be nice to everybody, but the fact is they think im a bad girl… its ok tho, cuz I don’t care bout them anymore, I don’t care what they say cuz none of that true…they just wasting my time and I still got hundred even thousand people out there who really wants to be my friend. I got my Boyfriend tho, and he is everything to me. LOL…

The good news is, my paper work is done, I just need to read it and learn it over and over and over again so I can get a good grade from it… I cant wait for my graduation day… and my very long vacation until January…

Hmm.. last thing, today im browsing the internet and I download so many songs, and im very happy…

Yesterday I rearranged my room and its getting more comfy.. im spending lotsa time there..its my planet, my batcave, my entire life..

See u next post!!!

 

God im so stressed out. Im sad and im so easy to angry.. I mad at my brother just becuz he ate my apple, I didn’t suppose to do that… Im not really mad at him, but ive become so emotional rite now and I don’t know why… ive been to church this evening but it still didn’t make me feel better. What happen to me? I feel so angry and disappointed at myself. i tot I already did the right thing, but why does it hurt so bad. I cant even study for my thesis, tomorrow im gonna meet with my lecture and he will ask me some question bout it.

Owh God, I just keep crying, and crying and crying… im so pathetic and stupid. Im lost, and I didn’t know what I want…

You know what, I watched mtv, and I saw Fergie vid clip, “big girls don’t cry”… well maybe, its make me lil better… im just not ready to lose someone…

This Saturday nite, I just sit at home and watch American
next top model. Wanna go out but my brother took the car with him. I hate
him.LOL. kinda stressed out today cuz someone. Its really complicated to talk
bout him. He is so kind to me. but I don’t know,What If I let him to love me,
but the fact is I already have boyfriend?

Its like Im letting him to be hurt. I don’t wanna do
that. Im not that kinda girl who play with hearts and feelings. That’s so lame I
think. Please forgive me for what Ive done. I shouldn’t let this happen to you
and I. actually, he is the most precious
friend I ever got. And I still don’t wanna lose him, I love him you so much. I always
have a good time with him. Gosh I miss him so much. But if he want to leave me,
ill be sad…..but I really want to make him happy….

Maybe tonite I just stay in my bedroom, read a book
or just take a nap. im not in a good mood and my body feel so sick rite now. I got
this headache and its killing me. I feel lonely tho…   

Still didn’t have anything important today. I just did my routine, wake up late, read the bible, clean up my bed, drink water and swallowed some vitamin’s cuz im on diet, and I don’t want to get ill while im on this extreme diet program. LOL. after that, I walk about 30 minutes on my treadmil, and then I take a shower. I spend so much time in shower. I I love the smell of Dove. (its STUPID tho!) after that, I played some stupid game on my laptop. Im so boredom, im living this boring cave in my bedroom, and im starving for god sake. I just eat vegetable’s and drink water. Gosh, why I let that stupid Cadbury made me so fat and ugly. HIKS…I just need to lose 10 or 15 pounds.  

Next, I went to grocery store and buy some apple’s and orange juice. After that, I just spent my time browsing the internet, and I heard that Paramore already broke up. That’s a unhappy news. Its ok tho, cuz I just love hayley, not the band. LOL

Im so tired with drama, drama, and drama in my life… im tired of think way too much on things that always made me sad.

Maybe im too nice? What’s wrong with me? Why does this is happen to me? Why I cant stop crying… why I cant stop worrying bout people feeling but the otherway, they make me sad and they don’t even care if im in pain.

I don’t want to worry bout my boyfriend too much, the fact is, he is more worried bout his stupid computer. And I hate the fact that he always hung up the phone first… he didn’t miss me like I did. That’s made me sad too. But its ok tho, cuz I know he love me…and its always made couple in fighting if they ask too much in relationship than they boyfriendsor girlfriendslove.

I don’t want to worry and think too much about people who pretending to care bout me. They only make this worst. . I just got more hurted when I realize that they didn’t really care. So PLEASE don’t ask my problem and what made me sad if u don’t really care.

Im too emotional and sensitive. Im wreckless and easy to cry. God I hate what ive become.

Hmmmmm… maybe I have to just think bout myself. And don’t care if they got hurt, cuz cuz they hurt me either…LOL

I really have to give more attention to myself, and worried bout myself and love myself. the first and very important things I already forget. How come I tell you that I love you but I didn’t love myself. that’s a lie. I don’t wanna be a liar.

The truth is, im already broken. I don’t love myself, I let it hurt too much.

So, all of this time, ive been living a lie. Im scare to tell you this. Cuz, maybe u will be disappoint with me. But Im sorry, I just want to do the right thing. I want me to be a better person. I don’t want to hurt people who really love me. And I can love you more if I did this.

Do u understand what Im saying?

Yesterday im waiting for my lecture to correct my paper work…. Can u imagine.. Im wait for him at 11.30 until 2pm at the hospital and he didn’t show up. Becuz of that I have to go to his practice, and I have to wait again until his done examining all of his patient. The problem didn’t stop rite there,..after I met him..he told me to rewrite my paper and research…but its up to me cuz …he was my father student when he was a surgeon resident.LOL… im in dilemma. I really want to show him that I can do that, remake my paperwork, but the problem is on the research..its not easy to go to the medical record and look for my rectum cancer case’s… its need a lot of time and I don’t have time cuz the test is in the end of this month. Im worried I can master all of the topic and that’s makes my grade goes down…LOL…forget bout that…

Today I went to the mall with my twins,…we went shopping and we bought new tees and pants..i got my 3 new pants and 2 gorgeous tees…LOL…I really enjoy went out with her… but, all of the fun suddenly disappear becuz she have to go back to college tomorrow…im gonna be lonely again…HIKS…I already do such a bad things to her, I really love her tho…but in fact I always hurt people I really love…

Hhmmmm….about my boyfriend…I really love him, eventho now he busy with his friends. Im too lazy to talk to him when he got his friend there. He didn’t pay attention when I talk to him. I didn’t hate his friend tho, they really funny but im kinda lonely now and I need my boyfriend to be with me now,…

I miss someone rite now, I hope his doing fine rite now…don’t forget to eat and shower ok..LOL…the sweet memories will always last forever…

Yesterday I went swimming with my college friends. After that, I went home and watched MTV Asia Award on TV. Nothing impressed me much, I just wait for Panic at the disco to performance. And the worst thing I have to watched all of the fucking bored MAA cuz they performance last.LOL… I don’t like asian band or boyband, esp Korean, malay, Taiwan, hongkong, they look really guy... but there is one band from philipine, I forget whats the band names, but they won and they really KOOL…I love them.

Today, until 4pm I didn’t eat anything. I just slept all day and I think way too much, it makes me sick…I called my boyfriend, but he makes my day even worst, I texted my friend, they didn’t make me feel good either, they makes me feel guilty…

What should I do when I get bored at home alone?

 

My boyfriend Jeff, he always understand me. He always believe me and trust me. He is my best friend and my lover. He is always forgive my mistake, he is kind, funny,and he love his family, im sure he can make my family proud too.

He is the one who can control me, my wildness, my selfish, my arrogant and snob, my foolish, and my angry. I always hear what he said. He never hurt me. If I feel like ive been hurt by him, its just because im to sensitive and pessimist.

But most of the time, I im the one who always hurt him.

Well, maybe sometimes he hurt me, but that’s just becuz he cant stand me anymore and he want me to feel his pain, so I can have more respect to him and understand him.

He is the most patient guy I ever met, he is tough,but im really mean and bad, that’s why I can make him cry. Im the most evil person who can make the people who really love me cry.

It’s feels like a knife,it’s hurt my heart to see his tears. The person I love is crying becuz ive done the stupid things. I cant stand, I just want to hug him at that time, and say im sorry I just want him to stop crying. Im sorry my baby…I didn’t mean to hurt u and made u cry, but im too stupid and selfish, I tot u didn’t hurt if I do “that”, im too foolish becuz I tot u didn’t love me at all becuz you let me do “that”. Im too selfish cuz I realize after everything was too late, after I hurt the heart who didn’t belong to love the person like me…

Please don’t leave me, please stay…I really love you, but im just a stupid jealous selfish girl. I can fix this. I just have to remind me and tell me everyday that u love me. I give up too easily sometimes,you know that. but I love you,and I cant live without you. I cant love anyone else like I love you. You are my first love, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, just with you.

Today is the last day of july 2008.

This month I already been trough a lot of drama and tears and pain and ive been hurted too…

But today, is the perfect closing, after last nite i decided to start a new beginning.

Today I finished my college paper work after 1 week I wasting my time doing nothing but daydreaming…lol…

I went to the movie with my twins..

I decided to try to clean up my messed up room and messed up life…

I try to forget myself after so I done so much mistake. I really have to move on.

And btw, I miss my boyfriend so much…we talked bout our future, last night.

And I miss my friend who always care bout me and still wanna be my friend eventho im so selfish, childish and foolish…gosh im such a dumb head…lol…

Well, take care for now…

And good luck for ur love life…

Btw, how is ur love life..?? tell me, I really want to hear that